his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
