I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want to have your abortion
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
