Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
