she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
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She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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