Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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