he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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