Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
