Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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