I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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