I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
