I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
