I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I want to fling myself into the sun
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
