I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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