you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
