so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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