So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
