Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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