..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
