i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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