I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
