I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
