So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
