i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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