where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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