Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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