My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
