As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
