Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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