woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
