Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
