remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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