Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
