I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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