ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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