Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
