Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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