I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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