If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
