He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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