worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
