I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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