seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All I want is dick and wine.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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