I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
