I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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