I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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