Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
