I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
