Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
