Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
