There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
