I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
