I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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