Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
