im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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