i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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