exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
