so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
