I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize