I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Come share oat with me in your robe
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
